Avoiding Artistic Death

If I stopped creating it would mean certain death. Maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but for me it is true on an existential level. All artists face fear at some point. Creating art and having fears are both equal parts of the human experience. For the creative mind fear can manifest in many ways including fear of being a sham, of not having the talent, or of failure (a topic I will cover more thoroughly in my next post). Perhaps one of the most frightening and sobering fears an artist can face is the fear of quitting.

My art has been who I am as far back as I can remember. I had always known I wanted to fulfill my life by being creative. As I grew older I began to question if my drawings could really be considered art. I wondered if I was just kidding myself. When I found it difficult to find my own personal style, it was as though I had no voice. I doubted my originality and my skill.

I had been drawing for so long that my sense of self had become entwined with my art. As my artistic block set in, self doubt naturally followed. To question my originality as an artist was like questioning everything that I was. If I did not possess the magical gift to create beautiful masterpieces then maybe I was nothing.

The more time I spent searching for this magical gift within myself, the more discouraged I became. Soon enough finding the courage to draw became unbearingly difficult. Each drawing was a new piece of evidence that I didn’t have what it takes to be an artist. I couldn’t face my lack of original thought or lack of skill. I couldn’t face myself. So, I stopped. What came next was worse than any fear I had ever faced. My hands ached with a desire that my personal demons would not  let me satisfy. My heart mourned for the death of my passion. The need to be creative never went away, but I stopped all the same. In the process I began to lose myself.

In an attempt to hold onto what was left of me, I desperately clung to my hobbies of sewing and jewelry making. It would sooth the ache in my hands for a time, but it wasn’t the same. I had always expressed myself through drawing. Pencil and paper was my first language. Arts and crafts was a language I knew well, but it would never feel as natural or expressive to me. In the end it was the fear of completely losing myself that brought me back from the ashes. If I quit, who will I be?

It might be unhealthy to place so much of myself within my craft, but I’ve heard it said that to be an artist is to be a little insane. In Art & Fear by David Bayles and Ted Orland they call it fear of annihilation. You may have seen this fear manifest in some of your artist friends that will obsessively pump out an abundant quantity of work. It is when an artist puts so much of their self worth in their ability to produce art that not working is equatable to a metaphorical death. Perhaps one day I might be able to find a happy balance between self perseverance and art making. For now I prefer the motivation. Today I choose to live.

Getting Into The Creative Flow

I constantly question myself while I’m working. This practice is both a blessing and a curse. I might catch a lot of mistakes, but it slows me down and hinders my creativity. However, when I enter “the zone,” there is nothing but my work. Each idea and decision feels like breathing. It flows together like a perfectly orchestrated piece of music. I am gone. There is no time. Only my art remains.

After I made the decision to force myself out of my artist block I was happy to be working again. Although I was no longer stagnant, I seemed to be missing a certain spark. A feeling that I had countless times before, but could not seem to access. I did a bit of research on what this feeling even was and came across the term “flow state.” It described perfectly this spark I was looking for. Since I was a kid I had been able to access this extreme concentration that made everything around me melt away. It allowed me to only focus on drawing, writing, or designing. I had felt it in college too while creating my demo reel. The long hours spent in the labs animating never felt long enough.

Entering your flow state sounds like a fantastical super power, but science is beginning to understand what is happening to artists, athletes, and scientists when they “enter the zone.” According to Psychology Today during these periods of “flow” the prefrontal cortex is temporarily deactivated causing a person to lose their sense of self. The inner critic and voice of doubt also shut off. This elicits a heightened sense of confidence. Additionally the brain releases a number of chemicals associated with focus, pleasure, and optimal performance. All of these factors induce a boom in creative output.

Accessing this allusive flow state isn’t easy. It requires both physical and mental practice. I slowly began noticing my own flow being triggered again after a few weeks of hard work. It’s not something that I can just turn on like a light switch. I have to be relaxed and consciously tell myself to stop having so much doubt in my own abilities. I started observing what helped me trigger a flow state. Personally, a good long hike in the woods followed by a perfectly brewed cup of coffee seems to do trick. I suspect that hacking your flow state is a different experience for everyone. I have completed some of my best works during flow states and find myself feeling refreshed and more alert for days after. To me it is simply a form of artistic meditation.

If you are interested in learning more about flow states check out these awesome links. You may know Jason Silva From National Geographic’s Brain Games. He also has a YouTube Channel partnered with TestTube called Shots of Awe where he covers topics like creative flow states. He can get a bit carried away sometimes, but I love his passion.

"Happiness is absorption." - T.E. Lawrence Join Jason Silva every week as he freestyles his way into the complex systems of society, technology and human existence and discusses the truth and beauty of science in a form of existential jazz. New episodes every Tuesday.